After 21 days of campaigning (being ignored by undergrads in library square), the season of bullshit has finally, and thankfully, come to an end – an end which was marked with anti-climactic scenes of debauchery, heartache, and celebration at Drapers Bar & Kitchen (because where else).
It was like entering a cauldron of fire for the candidates, and especially for myself, as I realised at one stage I was surrounded by people I had been publicly and mercilessly ‘slagging off’ ever since their names, photos, and policies were made public; plastered all over campus and the students’ union website.
Nevertheless, the powers what be ingeniously decided to stagger the 7pm start time – first moving the announcement to 7:30pm, then to 8:00pm, then to 8:15pm, in order to delay the inevitable mass exodus to the New Globe, because it’s a better bar.
Eventually the results were filtered through by part-time stand-up Sarah Sarwar who, twelve months ago, sat somewhere amongst us peasants making vague pledges about giving back to us, the peasants, the keys to the union.
(Presumably she wasn’t talking about the media room key, which earlier this year was the subject of an egotistic, bureaucratic spat – after certain members of the Hub’s reception desk, who like to view themselves as the official and all-might Gatekeepers to the Students’ Union – blacklisted members of student media from entering their own place of work. But that’s a different story entirely.)
Tensions were raised. And candidates were nervous. With help from Sean Richardson, who played the role of RON (taking this overused and unfunny joke into the physical realm) the positions were announced one-by-one over the speaker system to the relentless crowd of cheering drunks.
Reports from beyond the capital, however, revealed the QMSU live stream, which reports indicate cost a total 20 pieces of silver to implement, faced a number of challenging issues. Particularly – that the names of the winners couldn’t be heard over the sounds of whooping, mostly because the names were shown on screen two seconds before Sarah could even come close to reading them off her flimsy sheet.
The night descended into chaos when the Sabbatical winners were announced – with candidates, campaigners and pundits all breaking down in displays of joy, or dismay.
Dola Osilaja, Sam Rowles, Carolina Mantzalos, and Mashalle Asim, will be the 2014/15 sabbatical team.
After we had sucked our union venue for all its worth, (which did not take very long), we headed to the New Globe, where all sorts of things happened that I couldn’t possibly report on.
Coming soon, a full season in review, my major concerns on campus (and how to fix them), plus very possibly a short comment on how to realistically win the student elections. hint: It’s not about what you know, it’s about…
Man of the match | Sam Doherty (MILITANT MAN)
The former militant-man-turned-moderate-turned-militant-man took the ‘party garotte’ he had been toeing for the past three weeks, using it to murder all sense of moderation he had spent time building over the previous few weeks. Donning the warrior squirrel onesie,
facepaint warpaint, and a smile, Sam exuded a very “I don’t particularly care about things” sort of attitude all evening. What a maverick.
Dick of the day | Myself (keumars.com)
Where do we begin? Forgetting to fully charge my computer, stealing a bowl of Doritos from the candidates banquet, getting myself head butted by Ed Sheeran’s friend, and then drinking so much that I barely dragged into the following morning’s lecture to deliver half of a presentation on the molecular pathways involved in oesophageal cancer; that I had not contributed very much towards in the first place.
Most memorable moment | Mashalle Asim wins VP Welfare
By writing any more about Mashalle I run the risk of having my house burned down, but the most memorably moment of the night was when the dark horse stormed the race for VP Welfare – winning a large majority over her rivals Frances Larke, Sam Doherty, Kayah Abdulmajed, and Megan Morrison-Sloan. The second year student proved just how [redacted for fear of physical assault].
Best Tweeter | @cubmagazine
The university’s magazine covered the results party flawlessly, posting pictures, and actually tweeting. Yes, the results were rattled off so fast it was basically pointless even trying to keep up. So the Cub team took it upon themselves to tweet pictures of the evening in general, while keeping us up-to-date with the ongoings at, what you would probably be hard-pressed for admitting to be, the party.
Best Quote | Sarah Sarwar (Open Union)
“Can we have quiet in Drapers?”
Sarah Sarwar, QMSU President.
Transparency – it seems – isn’t the only outlandish Open Union elections demand.
The election winners are listed in full, below.
President: Dola Osilaja
Vice-President Barts & The London: Sam Rowles
Vice-President Welfare: Mashalle Asim
Vice-President Education: Carolina Mantzalos
Student Trustees: Ali Jawad, Mika Schroder, Ben Gray
NUS Delegates: Katarina Nordanger, Ozzy Amir, Sam Playle, Sam Doherty
Student Council Chair: Samer Haque
Student Media Officer: Hannah Ballard
Commercial Services Officer: Asnton Chang
Mile End positions
Humanities & Social Science Rep: Matt Mahmoudi, Raifa Rafiq
Science & Engineering Rep: Imram Hussein, (James Crowe & Sarah Anderson)
Postgraduate Research Rep: No candidates
Postgraduate Taught Rep: Sam Miles
International Education Rep: Evelina Gocheva
International Welfare Rep: No candidates
Disabled Students Rep: Matilda Marcillo
LGBT Rep: Adam Sparkes
Multi-cultural Rep: Sara Ramjean
Women’s Rep: Ellen Tansey
Welfare Rep: Jacq Bridge
Societies Officer: Stella Tsantsekidou
Sports Officer: Nuran Ozyurt
Volunteering Officer: Lakshika Nadarajah
Barts & The London Positions
Pre-clinical Rep: Chris Smith
Clinical Rep: Adel Bopari
Dental Rep: Nima Sakthithasan
Postgraduate Research Rep: No candidates
Postgraduate Taught Rep: Alidad Daftari
International Rep: Rarmadha Kali
Welfare Rep: Mag Sheekey
Campaign’s Officer: James Lambert
LGBT Rep: Anna King
Multi-cultural Rep: Husein Iqbal
Vice-President Barts: Oliver Tampleasure
Vice-President London: William Atkins
RAG Officer: Katie Lock
Societies Officer: Will JB Atkins
Sports Officer: Aleksander Rula
Volunteering Officer: Harriete Pearson
Dental Society President: Ankur Patel
External Affairs Officer: No candidates
Alumni Officer: Dave Vedage
Secretary: Oliver Johnson
Entertainments Officer: No candidates