We don’t really get it, say Halal chickens

chickensMethod of slaughter does not rank itself highly on chickens’ list of priorities, it has emerged, following a bout of extensive research.

A recent survey commissioned by agricultural experts showed that 94% of chickens did not show a preference for which direction they faced prior to throat laceration.

One chicken, who requested anonymity, said: “We do not feel like the issue has been covered in a balanced and representative way, in all honesty. There is a clear bias in the media, and frankly, the lack of consultation is a little insulting.”

The study also concluded that only a mere 23% of poultry were fully informed on the ideological context behind the process of either Halal or Kosher methods of slaughter before meeting their fates.

But a small minority of chickens demanding a referendum has been growing in recent days, with some determined to have their say on whether they feel comfortable being sacrificed in the name of a human God.

A more reserved commentator, whose beak had not yet fallen off, said: “It seems like a big issue for you guys. But we chicken face more pressing issues; like trying to wake up not wallowing in our own shit.”

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