The Rush Hour director Brett Ratner has been missing presumed eliminated from our timeline following the release of Bryan Singer’s X-men retcon revamp Days of Future Past last week.
Mr Ratner’s sudden disappearances has not yet been explained, though some believe the overwhelming shame of having almost ruined the entire X-men franchise, only for Bryan Singer to return and clean up his mess, drove him to join Mel Gibson in Hollywood reclusion.
But a more widely accepted theory is that the time travel elements in the newest release actually served to remove Ratner from the history of mankind itself.
A leaked version of the script’s first draft showed that Wolverine was “[being] sent back to the 1970s to unite the X-men and ensure Brett Ratner never happened by any means necessary.” Ratner himself was to set feature as a character, played by Sasha Baron Cohen.
Shortly after writing the first iteration, however, Singer learned of a way to erase the director from real life by forging a blood pact with the Dark Lord Cthulu, in return for 12 per cent royalties from Days of Future Past and all future X-men franchise films including any half-baked demi-mutant spin-offs.
When asked about the missing director, a woman alleged to be Bratner’s mother, said: “Who?”