There’s always next year, Miliband reassures England fans

Despite England’s catastrophic loss to Luis Suarez & Friends last night – at least they’ll get another go next year, according to Ed Miliband. 

The Labour Leader tweeted in the aftermath of the match to reassure England fans following the team’s second defeat in succession, and to congratulate Luis Suarez for not totally losing his mind and biting Gary Cahill’s face off.

He added that England “played well in the first two halves, but shouldn’t have conceded late on in the third,” also lauding the success of the Gerrard-Suarez combination on the world’s greatest stagemiliband drunk.

Miliband has made newspaper headlines this week for promising to replace unemployment benefit in 18 to 21-year-olds with owls, so the predatory fowl can get the skills they need to one day earn enough to afford mortgages for their nests.

Meanwhile, England fans have found themselves in the peculiar position where there is no obvious goat which they can scape. One fan told his local radio station: “It’s awful. Theo Walcott’s out injured. Andy Carroll was left behind. And Wayne Rooney actually scored. I have no idea what to do.”


2 thoughts on “There’s always next year, Miliband reassures England fans

  1. Pingback: ITV viewers complain of ‘having to sit through Adrian Chiles between adverts’ | Keumars Afifi-Sabet

  2. Pingback: We are not getting vanishing free-kick spray, say British wives | Keumars Afifi-Sabet

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