Festival-goers still definitely, totally, 100% enjoying Glastonbury

GlastonburyMudPA200611As mustering storms overshadow Glastonbury’s bright start, fans have lurched forward to let the world know that they are still having a totally awesome time at the annual(ish) music festival.

The festival will be subject to storms and torrential rain on Saturday with the worst to come at 1pm, according to the Met Office, with fears that the Pixies – as well as shock headliners Metallica – may have to cancel their sets.

Some acts faced delays on Friday afternoon, after bursts of lightning from an electrical storm proved a safety hazard. Certain parts of the grounds are said to resemble the murkiest depths of Dagobah following initial showers on Thursday evening.

Sally, 22, who is at her first festival said: “Nah it’s wicked. I saw this bit of Lily Allen’s golden retriever twerking against a tree and I thought ‘shit man, I might have taken too much ketamine’. But then I remembered I’d only had an E. So yeah, it was fine.”

Another festival goer, who forgot to bring his own tent, said he would not be deterred by having to sleep night-after-night in a bed of sticky mud and empty crisp packets, and was perfectly content with using his right boot’s shoelace as a toothbrush.

But not everybody is happy. Mark Berridge, 52, admitted his spirits were running dry. He is attending his 33rd consecutive Glastonbury, and insists that this year’s show is among the worst he has seen.

He said: “1995 it was. 1995. What a year. We saw the Prodigy, Supergrass, Blur, Oasis, Massive Attack, Portishead, Verve, the list goes on. But now we’ve got happy-clappy-snooze-fest Arcade Fire, urgh…  Elbow… and sixth-former-with-a-guitar Jake Bugg.”

“Everybody just had a great time. But now these kids are doing cocaine off each others’ tits round the back of porta potties, and it isn’t the same.”

The festival will continue through the week, with the weather expected to pick up on Monday. Nevertheless, fans will remain adamant that they are definitely enjoying themselves no matter how many of their favourite acts have to cancel for fear of getting a little bit wet.


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