four year oldParents and children are both bitterly envious of each other, it has emerged. 

A toddler from Colchester revealed that she is counting down the days until she grows into a miserable old hag who could not care less about life’s terrible misfortunes.

Sarah, four, announced to her parents that she was bored of her untamed lifestyle, which mostly involves building castles out of Lego, using her fingers as paintbrushes, and actually enjoying being awake.

She added that she could not wait until she was no longer able to get through the day without having to worry about whether she has enough money to pay off the mortgage, the heating bills, and her student loans from when she went to Keele 17 years ago.

Sarah said: “I can’t wait until I get to be barely earning cash to keep myself and my family afloat while spending my spare evenings watching Newsnight and filling tax returns.”

Her parents, meanwhile, reportedly giggled along – telling their daughter how cute she was being – before hurrying to the upstairs bathroom to tear their remaining hairs out and break down in the shower.

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