Pictures of hospital food to be photoshopped

Pictures of food served in hospitals will no longer resemble material extracted from the bowels of a patient, the Health Secretary has confirmed. An NHS spokesperson said: “Year-on-year patients grasping for a modicum of solace in a time of pain moan about the sight of their food making them lose their will to live or something like that.” “Yeah, so…

MI5 agent accused of “not taking terror threat seriously enough” nominates Jihadi John for ALS #IceBucketChallenge

Swept by the latest distraction consuming Britain, senior MI5 agent Robert Neil has embarrassed bosses after nominating Islamic State soldier ‘Jihadi John’ for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Mr Neil, 38, told reporters that the move was all part his master scheme to track down Britain’s most wanted terror suspect, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had consumed…

The rover Curiosity recently failed to detect methane on Mars. What might this result mean for Mars’ present or past habitability?

This is my final year dissertation in full. It was submitted on 21 March 2014 and scored 100 per cent. Minor edits were made, but little more than small changes in phrasing. References have been included at the end. Section 1. Abstract 1.1 Abstract Section 2. A Brief History of Methane Detection 2.1 Initial Findings 2.2 Methane, and the…