Met Office source: “How the hell have we managed to swing this?!”

met officeAn insider from the Met Office, the government department responsible for accurately predicting the weather, has admitted he is lucky to still have a job.

The anonymous source said: “I have no idea how the department is still standing. Honestly. We keep ballsing things up.”

“All we need to do is tell the minister we’ll try harder next year, make up some fluff about incoming arctic cold-air funnels, and that we’ll ‘get it right this time’. They usually nod along, give us a windfall, and take the blame for anything that goes wrong.”

“I mean, we’ve bagged £97m for a supercomputer. How the hell have we managed to swing this?! If we were the Home Office it would be a bit like having accidentally deported British citizens to Mali. There would be a full government inquiry.”

The Met Office had previously had its climate change research budget slashed by 25% when the coalition first came to power. The deparment spends around £350m annually.

The source added: “We’re quite good at sun. But it’s a bit trickier when it comes to rain. There’s just so much of it. It’s also tough to know whether the rain might turn into snow, and you know things just get messy so we don’t really bother.”

“When in doubt we ask our staff to look out of the window.”

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