Doctor Who Screwdriver SHAME

The sonic screwdriver proudly wiggled around by the Twelfth Doctor is put together in ‘sweatshop’ conditions by children earning 23 pence AN HOUR.

This is the space gadget used time and again by the Doctor to cowardly flee from a host of sticky situations. The same can’t be said for the thousands of kids working up to 38 hours per day to make it.

Said one sweatshopper: “He made us work all day; from morning to evening. Then he would zap us back to the middle of the same afternoon so we could work for the rest of the day all over again!”

Another worker, who has aged 74 years since she began working for ‘the Doctor’ little over three months ago, confirmed the Time Lord’s recklessness meant her team had to construct an unprecedented number of replacements.

“He would come in to the factory every other morning and tell us he’d lost his screwdriver. We would ask whether he knew the last place he had had it. But he would say no.”

“We would point out that he had a time machine, and that he could easily go back and find out. He would say that would interfere with the delicate fabric of the universe, and would instigate us all entering a paradoxical alternative timeline.”

“We would point out he had already broken all of these rules in the past and that nobody would really care – even if he had to retcon everything. He would think for a minute then tell us to f*** off and pour him a whiskey.”