God has been sentenced to two years in prison after being found guilty of continuously abusive trolling.
Though he plead guilty, the judge looked unfavourably upon God after the deity was caught sniggering in the stands during a stark confession that Isis was the product of a lengthy bender with Moses and Mohammed.
God tried to argue that Isis had been a force for good; in that it has brought together the Middle East and the West for the first time in history, and was “totally in line with [his] long-term outlook for mankind,” but the prosecution told him to “stop embarrassing himself.”
The harsh measures come after parliament passed an amendment to the Criminal Justice and Courts Bill to quadruple the sentence handed to irritating mollusc-like beings.
But critics suggest the prison term handed to God was nowhere near long enough, citing the second Ice Age, Roswell, and planting dinosaur bones into the Earth as potential incidents of trolling. The prosecution was not able to reach a consensus.
Members of the public welcomed the news, with few prepared to complain. Judy from Grays said it was “about time” and that it would “hopefully teach this layabout shyster one or two things about doing his actual job for once.”
Mark from Watford, meanwhile, suggested that, as a staunch atheist, he did not recognise the trial at all, and that it actually did not happen and never could. Mark suggested “this is typical fantasy politics from a disastrous Lord Chancellor that is taking his opportunity to undermine the justice system at every turn.”
God was unavailable for comment.