Immigrant earning £34,500 suddenly willing to put up with boss’s terrible jokes

A foreign national on £34,500 per year has grown a sudden liking towards his manager’s utterly tasteless sense of humour, it has emerged. The 32-year-old Korean national, who has lived and worked in the UK for 4 years, is fluent in four languages and teaches the clarinet to underprivileged schoolchildren on Saturdays. The change of heart, which has come almost overnight, has “absolutely nothing” to…

FIFA Latest: Execs “turned down bribes” to see United Passions

Evidence revealed in the ongoing FBI investigation into FIFA has shown that senior level executives turned down multi-million dollar bribes to see United Passions. Senior officials declined to put themselves through the sheer pain of a 100-minute exercise in pomp and vanity, it is alleged. In its opening weekend, the film raked in just under $200,000 worldwide and only $607 in the US, having been produced…

Next Labour Leader Must Appeal to Voters’ ‘Inner Bastard’

If the next leader of the Labour party is to stand any chance of becoming Prime Minister, he or she must appeal to the British public’s inner sense of behaving like a total bastard, according to a leading think tank. Barry Barry, Bastard-in-Chief from the Institute for Bastards, said: “The next Labour leader could be a slimy bastard, a calculating…

Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe accused of “fat shaming” plus-sized policemen

The Met Police Commissioner has been criticised for fuelling a stigma against overweight police officers after slamming the fitness test – which only became compulsory in September – for being too lenient. Plus-sized campaigners have labelled Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe’s comments “irresponsible”, accusing the police chief of alienating a large portion of his workforce. Barry, 42, a policeman who weighs in…