Labour rosetteIf the next leader of the Labour party is to stand any chance of becoming Prime Minister, he or she must appeal to the British public’s inner sense of behaving like a total bastard, according to a leading think tank.

Barry Barry, Bastard-in-Chief from the Institute for Bastards, said: “The next Labour leader could be a slimy bastard, a calculating bastard, even a selfish bastard.”

The Institute for Bastards released a research paper this week suggesting that Labour did not make enough of an effort in the general election to attract the support of total bastards.

He added: “Ed Miliband was more of a ruthless bastard. But he couldn’t eat food properly. Ultimately, that’s what mattered.”