Study: Most lab mice oblivious to impending horrors

lab mice horrorsMost laboratory mice kept by scientists across the UK are blissfully unaware of the torturous and life-altering experiments set to befall them, a study has shown.

The new research was conducted by a team of researchers looking for better things to do than to continue working on a thoroughly interesting long-term study into G protein-coupled receptors.

According to the study, 68% of standard laboratory mice were completely oblivious to their main purpose in life or the reasons they were bred. Another 20% of mice were partially aware, or at the least commented over the course of the study that they could not help but feel “something bad was about to happen.”

Around 8% of mice were fully aware they were about to be gruesomely experimented upon but remained unable to convince their friends and colleagues despite putting together compelling scientific evidence, while the remaining 4% of mice were not only aware but completely willing to go along with it.

Differing attitudes

Several mice, showing differing attitudes towards the revelations, were interviewed as part of the research.

When asked whether he was aware that he was about to be subjected to a frighteningly unnatural-yet-hilarious experiment in which a human foot would be transplanted onto his forehead, recent beneficiary of a study into extending lifespan Mr Cuddles, 6, commented: “This sounds awesome. Wait… What?”

Mrs Squiggles, six months, was a recent victim of a botched trial for an experimental Glioblastoma treatment which led to the growth of a third, and fourth, non-functioning ear.

She was unable to respond to questioning due to the inadvertent sealing effect this specific course of drugs had on her lips and nose, rendering a small hole formed artificially beneath her left eye the only viable passage for inhalation.

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