The So-Called Islamic State (S-CIS) has been struggling to meet ambitious targets to expand its “sub-par” tourism industry, according to a leaked internal report.
The internal appraisal, conducted by the Minister for Infidel Relations, concluded the wannabe nation state was found lacking in a number of key areas thought to drive tourism, including affording visitors the courtesy of being allowed to leave, as well as the option of not being forced to join the local death cult.
The Minister for Infidel Relations said: “The conclusion of this report is extremely disappointing, and we are struggling to understand why we haven’t done better. The weather’s always nice this time of year. Plus there are plenty of beautiful ancient ruins we haven’t demolished yet.”
Meanwhile, the Secretary of State for Winding up the West conceded “lessons must be learned” and admitted some of his actions, such as televising a series of mass executions, “may have been somewhat counter-productive.”
He said: “We have a long and successful record of attracting the world’s best and brightest Wahhabi nutters. But that will only get us so far. I think it’s about the right time to branch out.”
“We will be seeking to change aspects of our marketing strategy in the short-to-medium term. But not before we find the infidel dog who leaked this report and sacrifice him in bloody and glorious Jihad Alhamdulillah.”